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| 11:21pm 02/04/2009 |
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p. a. f. mother fuckers. |
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| 11:12am 01/04/2009 |
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I took a deep breath and rode my bike down the hill in the rain, on the way to the store to get stencil making stuff, and I'm listening to the Wipers and I realized, this is it! This is what I wanted, all along. I'm here.
I am a punk, I am a scientist, I am creative, I am free. |
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| Punks of a feather, get Drunk together. |
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| 03:19am 01/04/2009 |
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Okay fine, fuck, I admit it, digital photos are not so bad after all, okay? But please remember there IS a difference between playing a synthesizer and an actual accordion.
PS I took this and I like it a lot. I got some film, though, too, and I'm going to tear it up with my macro lens.
When we were visiting on the floor of his place in Yakima, Jim showed me a picture he took of Kelsie's beat up converse, in an awkward pose, in ripped up fish nets and he said to me, "This is one of those few things where when I look at them, I say, jesus, this is punk." I feel that about this picture.
I sewed my patch on with dental floss and it was ... authentic.
New slacks and Brujeria hat, must show them off.
Its surprising how hard it is to find people who want to play dress-up.
I feel at home with my people, when I find them. I knew I always would, but I have been a long time away from home. It is good to know that legit folks consider me legit. You're supposed to know that in your gut, but it is so necessary to hear it.
I'm cutting out a Discharge stencil and by week's end it will be on my jacket. It is incredible how simple the things that make you truly happy can be. Amen.
also, this:
IggyKoopaIII: OH SWEET GOD DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BRUJERIA YET
IggyKoopaIII: NO YOU SAY?
dethtoll dot mid: NO YOU DID NOT
IggyKoopaIII: they emerged, shane emburys huge, nasty sweaty mop of hair swaying, despite the absence of wind, and before me stood EL BRUJO
IggyKoopaIII: his massive, unshaven beer gut protruding from his leather vest
IggyKoopaIII: unbuttoned of course
IggyKoopaIII: through a torn mexican flag, converted to a bandana, he screamed PITO WILSON and they played the first song
IggyKoopaIII: halfway through the set, he produced a massive bag of joints
IggyKoopaIII: maybe 20 of them
IggyKoopaIII: and began throwing them about the room
dethtoll dot mid: that is AWESOME
IggyKoopaIII: until a security guard ran up to him and yelled "hey whos weed is that!"
IggyKoopaIII: to which he responded with maniacal screaming in spanish, starting the next song, pummeling the security guy with the sweaty bodies of brujeria fans
IggyKoopaIII: during this song he produced a HUGE FUCKING MACHETE FROM OUT OF NOWHERE
IggyKoopaIII: AND BEGAN HACKING AT THE STAGE MONITORS
IggyKoopaIII: thus ended the first and last time brujeria will ever play at the roseland
dethtoll dot mid: THAT IS AWESOME |
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| 04:15pm 30/03/2009 |
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dethtoll dot mid: today i told someone to "suck my fuck out my dickhole, assvomit"
dethtoll dot mid: i love the interstate. |
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| Try Again |
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| 03:59pm 30/03/2009 |
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I look at you - and I know what to do
I look at you - I know what to do
I look at you - and I know what to do
I look at you - I know what to do
They gotta try! |
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| Crusty Genderless Fun |
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| 07:00pm 27/03/2009 |
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music: PHOBIA, FLOGGIN' MOLLY, MOFUCKIN DISCHARGE
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I ran into Lahryssa (Fetus) from the Vaggies and I have been kicking it with her at her house in Selah. Her mother is a wonderful lady and they raise horses and mules. Joe from YVC and she and I got some 40z played yahtzee and poker and listened to music and I stayed when he went home. I had watched Unforgiven the day before and hanging out with my mom has gotten me stoked on westerns and Fetus told me she had to get up early, and when I said why she said, "to dig a grave." Ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to dig a dank-ass hole, and the idea of grave-digging was too much to pass up, so I stayed to help her. One of her family's dogs was hit by a car. We woke up in the morning and went out to get shovels and whatnot and grabbed a blanket to put the dog on. Fetus filled an empty 40 bottle with water so we could use it likes a canteen, the aesthetic of which was great as we walked down to the river in our flannels with our handkerchiefs hauling that dog. We dug and dug, and as we stood over the grave it started to rain. Too perfect. The dog was dealt with and we went back inside, after watching an anthill for awhile.
We had a great talk about gender roles that was started by this amazing crimethinc poster I was looking at in her room, which she gave me a copy of. We talked about gender and identity and role models, and how boys like to bake and sew, too, even though they're told they're not allowed to. What was amazing though was her younger brother Sean who is maybe 10 (? I am bad at guessing ages, but whatevs) was the first kid in ages that has liked me, and he kept going on about how cool he thought I was after we got done digging the hole together, and asked me to play Halo with him, and then he and I made food in the kitchen together, and I did the dishes for Fetus' mom, all while wearing a pink bandera (and my new Brujeria hat!!) and I felt soooo great. Fetus said "look how easy it is to be a good role model." I'm very surprised because kids never like me, especially young boys.
We fed and watered the horses and whatnot (they're so big! Its been so long since I've been around animals) and today we collected and burned a bunch of tumbleweeds. Doing farm work again was like a long-belated homecoming for me. It makes me feel so earthy and humble and like I'm back where I came from, even if it's somewhat different than orchard stuff. We are stoked on watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid tonight and I might go horsin' about (ha! ha!) with Fetus' mom the next time she does a woodsy, trail horse adventure.
I feel bad because I lost track of time because I have no cell service out here but I'm pretty sure my mom will understand. After some yelling.
I know my writing and composition was so much better when I wrote every day, but this is the first time in a long while like I have felt happy enough with my life to write it in life-journullll.
Strange, after the big move to PDX, the place where I find friendship and companionship and real fucking experiences is back here, and for the first time in my life, I'd rather stay in Yakima a bit longer. |
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| 08:36pm 21/03/2009 |
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"The law is a weapon of government, not a protection for the likes of you. Surely you understand that." |
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| 03:26pm 20/03/2009 |
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It's all just hardcore baby. |
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| 04:49am 19/03/2009 |
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Man I fucking love Tankard.
"- We were reviewed in an English article as "Fat ugly German bastards", so we called the album "Fat, Ugly and Live"
- We never get any groupies. The audience is mainly comprised of fat dudes with smelly vests on.
- Gerre fell asleep with 3.3 blood-alcohol during an interview on Music Box.
- We never received any recognition from the city of Frankfurt or the beer industry for our contribution to mass alcohol consumption."
Gods of metal. |
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| A New Dude! |
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| 11:01am 11/03/2009 |
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music: Brendon Small - Dont Put Marbles in Your Nose
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I'm learning to deal with my Adult ADD and I think I am doing really well compared to how I used to be. I think I failed my C++ class simply because I couldn't manage my time well enough to hand in the assignments, it's really pathetic. They were extremely simple and I only had class one day a week. Moving out on my own just swamped me with all this other shit that I've never had to think about before and it was hectic. I'm trying to develop good habits though and now that I make daily lists instead of one bit cluttered one, I'm actually able to work on things every day instead of cramming it in all at once. Hopefully I'll be able to stop living my life as a series of emergencies.
I need to get back to work but maybe I'll update this again today, now that I've started writing letters and in my journal again I feel a lot better. I haven't really had anyone to talk to and this is surprisingly therapeutic. |
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| 08:54pm 10/03/2009 |
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music: scott makes bad music
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I told Scott how I really felt about him and he decided that I must be drunk if I had a problem with him. I think that's indicative of the opinion he has of me. I knew it was like that, though. I don't know what I expected. All in all, it felt good to tell him he was an egotistical, self-centered jackass. I've really hated him for a long time and now I don't have to talk to him anymore.
It's terrifying, he's nothing like how he was when we were kids. I hope nothing like that ever happens to me.
Sam and I were really all he had, I'm sure Sam will follow suite now and tell him the truth. It may sound like bullshit but the real reason I wanted to tell him how I felt was so that he'd feel extremely badly and change the way he acted so that he could make friends in the future. I feel really bad for him now, the more I think about it, I don't think he knows how to be any other way. What if he can't help it? How is he ever going to make friends again? I don't know why I care. Probably for the same reason that I put up with him for so long. I guess I really did care about him. It freaks me out a little bit, to think about what a good friend I was and the way he acted, it makes me worry about what other people I become friends with will become like. The most frustrating part is that I never said a word against him for years and I took everything in stride, and so I was expecting the part where I got really pissed and told him to fuck off to be really powerful and earth-shaking for him, but I don't think it was. But I should have known that. He never really respected me, even the least bit, so it's no surprise that he doesn't care what I think. I used to think that he did, at least a little. But I guess it's true that he really doesn't think of anyone but himself. |
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| 02:25pm 11/02/2009 |
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INTERNET
INTERNET, BITCHES
AHAHAHAHA |
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| Chapter 2 |
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| 02:29pm 12/12/2008 |
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Big move is this weekend. I am so scattered I have no idea what to do. The plans got changed so many times that none of my organizing schemes were in place when the final one was picked so I'm back to square one.
I'm standing on the edge of this huge black abyss that is supposed to be the place I want to head to but I can't see very far down. And behind me is a giant pile of 20 years of crap, a large portion of which is extremely useful but buried beneath junk.
I'm really excited and emotional, I can't believe I'm finally going to get out of here. |
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| 07:14pm 29/11/2008 |
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music: TIME WAITS FOR NO SLAVE
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WAIT, NEVERMIND, FUCK EVERYTHING. NEW NAPALM DEATH RECORD. I NO LONGER CARE ABOUT THE MEANINGLESS DOINGS OF THOSE AROUND ME. |
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| I AM SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETANCE |
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| 06:46pm 29/11/2008 |
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music: Mayhem - Chainsaw Gutsfuck
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AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYONE I KNOW IS SO COMPLETELY UNRELIABLE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.
HOW DO THEY EVEN USE THE BATHROOM BY THEMSELVES.
Shouldn't the average person be able to perform a simple task in a reasonable time frame? Isn't that, like, par for the course...of living? Or is it just me? Am I just completely insane for thinking that? I don't THINK I am. So how is it that I can't think of a single person around me that I would trust to bring me a toothbrush from across the street. Oh my GOD, how does civilization not just crumble at our feet?
I am SERIOUSLY hoping that this academic hell that I am putting myself through will at least culminate in my meeting some people who are actually dependable once I get into higher level classes. Come to think of it, my lab partners are about the ONLY people I know who I actually CAN expect to get something done. |
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| BONDING ha ha! |
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| 10:04pm 22/11/2008 |
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music: Austin - Unity in Dub
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QUANTUM OF SOLACE MOTHERFUCKERS.
Oh it was so good. The opening credits sequence is probably the best since Dr. No, and my favorite since SWLM. Daniel Craig IS James Bond. I am comfortable with that. Olga Kurylenko is probably the first female lead in 40 years worth respecting. |
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| 07:09pm 22/11/2008 |
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YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET, WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET, WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET, WHAT YOU WANT.
BUT IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES...
YOU JUST MIGHT FIND...
PEOPLE WILL YELL AT YOU
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| Comedy Central |
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| 08:56am 20/11/2008 |
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I think the best derisive comment I've ever made a movie was "This movie had Wayans brothers I didn't even know existed." |
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| MAKIN SHIT |
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| 03:25am 20/11/2008 |
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music: Atari Teenage Riot - Speed
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Oh my god digital hardcore is fucking sick.
I'm fucking nutty over breaks right now. I've been messing around making breakbeat slash ghetto-tech influenced stuff and I've done a couple of hardcore tracks. The name I came up is KineMatiX (equations governing motion!) I thought of it awhile ago and it stuck. I started doing a 4-track style D-Beat project. Working title is Wretched Death and I've written some lyrics I really dig. I did the guitar and drums for a track today and I'm just trying to figure out how I wanna do the vocals.
RELATED:
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| 10:03am 17/11/2008 |
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I love Amara. |
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alifedenied's journal